Totally maxed out and ready for something new...

 

 Oh, this deployment thing is dragging on at a snail's pace and I want to hold Soldier Boy's hand more than anything.  It's amazing how much you miss the littlest things when you can't have them.  There is very little I wouldn't do to have a  plain old dinner-and-a-movie night.

Since Soldier Boy deployed, I've done quite a bit of soul searching and realized a great number of things.  Remember the TV show "Even Stevens?"  Remember the character named Ren?  She was Shia LaBoeuf's character's older sister and was a highly strung chick who did everything she could to be as close to perfect as possible.  Somewhere along the line, I determined to be just like Ren and through high school, I took as many leadership positions as possible, as many advanced placement classes as I could manage, got as close to a 4.0 GPA as humanly possible, and made all of my decisions so that they would either help me be popular or  make people proud of me.

When I got to college, I loosed up a bit, but then one of my best friends passed away in a car accident and shortly thereafter I became temporarily homeless.  I had to get my you-know-what together so that I could support myself and finish school... which I did... early... with a major and a triple minor.  Then, I moved to Manhattan and attempted to survive there on my own, but despite all of my careful planning, I just didn't fit into that box, so I returned to Chicago and regrouped... this time, completing a master's degree in special education, after which I accepted a full-time teaching job in Korea, which fell through 5 days before I was set to leave!

Now that I've spent over a decade making choices that were meant to make people proud of me instead of making them to make myself happy, I'm totally maxed out.  I just don't fit into any of the boxes that have been thrown at me and built up over the years.  After nearly 2 years (!!!) of discussion, deliberation, list making, what-if questioning, and saving, I have finally made the decision to pack my suitcase(s) full of dreams (and fabulous shoes, of course) and hit the road.  In roughly a month, when Trip's deployment ends, I will be joining him in Germany with no other objective than to be in love and see the world... and maybe write that second novel... or start a clothing line... or get married... or start a non-profit organization...

I'm finally fed up with living my life to please others.  How do I feel about it?

... light as a feather... thanks for asking... 

Tee c/o H&M

Belt Vintage

Skirt self-made (ok, it's the bottom half of my Ren Faire costume!)

Shoes c/o Charlotte Russe

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