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Mad Girl's Love Song...

Saturday, May 21, 2016

I think that once again, I've managed to capture my innermost feelings in a simple photograph.  From wanting to feel fearless to proving to myself that I (my knee) is finally getting stronger to the photograph above here today, I've been unintentionally doing it all week.

I just want to feel free.  If I could grow wings and fly away, I think that I probably would.  I don't mean to be so mopey lately, but I have been fighting some inner demons over the last several months and  with the end of the school year, and therefore the end of my job for the year, they're becoming a bit more difficult to battle than they were before.  I don't talk much about depression or mental illness here, because honestly, I'd much rather use this venue as a way to tell you about all the cool ways we can work together to save the world, but sometimes, a girl's gotta vent.  

I've been trying to figure out where all my missing pieces are, and I really thought I'd found them and was starting to put them in place and I was feeling really good about it.  However, the universe has a way of reminding me that life just isn't supposed to go according to plan and as soon as I started reconnecting and feeling happy, I encountered a new and unexpected roadblock that's set me back again.  

I suppose, rather than drone on about it, I'll share a poem that kind of sums up what's going on inside my head.  It's a rather well-known poem by one of my favorites, Sylvia Plath.  

"Mad Girl's Love Song"

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; 
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, 
And arbitrary blackness gallops in: 
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men: 
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said, 
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead; 
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
 I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 

... I try to smile through it all and make wishes whenever I can... 

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